Paper Bad. Plastic Bad. Wait—Paper Good?
Remember when liberals told us that paper bags were destroying the rainforest?
“Think of the trees!”
“Paper is wasteful!”
“Plastic is the future!”
So we dutifully switched to plastic bags. And for about 20 years, they were fine. They held our groceries. They didn’t rip if you breathed on them wrong. They didn’t melt in the rain.
Fast-forward to 2020s:
Now plastic is evil and we’re back to paper again.
Paper straws. Paper bags. Paper conscience.
What changed?
Nothing.
They just ran out of things to complain about and decided to hit the reset button on their outrage cycle.
The Environmental Hokey Pokey
They put the paper in
They take the paper out
They put the plastic in
And they shake it all about
That’s what the “science” is all about!
These people don’t follow facts. They follow feelings with a filter.
If it trends on TikTok and makes them feel like heroes for 12 seconds, it’s suddenly gospel.
One day they’re screaming about turtles and straws.
The next day they’re sipping kombucha through a paper noodle that collapses faster than Biden climbing stairs.
The Straw That Broke the Liberal Brain
Let’s talk about paper straws.
- They disintegrate in 3 minutes
- They taste like wet cardboard
- They don’t actually save the planet—because the straw isn't the issue
But they look eco-friendly on Instagram, so… mission accomplished?
Meanwhile, they’re still shipping these “green” products on diesel trucks from China wrapped in three layers of plastic and a smug attitude.
This Isn’t About the Environment
If it were, they’d focus on actual pollution.
Like the landfills full of discarded COVID masks.
Or the lithium mines for their e-scooters.
Or the billions of gallons of water wasted making almond milk for their gender-fluid lattes.
But no. It’s easier to ban straws and bags than to have an honest conversation about China, overconsumption, or virtue signaling disguised as policy.
Final Thought
The same people who told us paper bags were killing the planet
are now mad that we ever used plastic bags
and demand we go back to paper...
but also want you to feel bad for using any bag at all.
It's not about logic. It's not about saving the earth.
It's about feeling superior while sipping an oat milk latte through a dissolving tube of shame.
So the next time a liberal lectures you about your grocery bags, offer them a reusable tote made from their own hypocrisy.
It’s the only thing they have in unlimited supply.
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